Monday, November 17, 2008

Being a Left-handed person

At least I am member of a unique club....that's what I believe(they are only 10% of the whole population of the world)......whatever stigma is attached to my being left-handed, I love being one......It gives me a sense of uniqueness.......a sense of being different.......a class above those miserly right-handed people....a cult of opportunists.....Yes, I call them miserly.........because they are so.........always singling out us (the left-handed ones) for one thing or the other.........that's how things have been since time began.......we have been ostracized from the society for our use of the left hand..........we have been executed mercilessly..........but we survived........the stigma still follows us in daily life.
Common tools are exclusively built for the right hand.......a scissors, a knife, a common school chair.......all point towards a biased approach against us.
Now coming to my experiences of being a left-handed guy in a world of the right-handed.......well......I always remember my childhood with my elders scolding me for holding the spoon in my left hand (citing the actual use for the left hand)....and i always thought whether i was the only one........then i remember this girl at school in the same grade but the other section.......in a combined lecture ....while sitting besides me, she saw how I wrote with my left hand all curled and she asked.....yuck!!!!whats with your hand??and i was like excuse me madam.......that's how i write and i don't find it yucky........the chairs with the writing area attached has also been a trouble for me.......either i could not find one...or even if it existed...it was either in a very bad condition......or located way back of the room.......writing in a public place also made me feel awkward....people staring at how i write and passing comments .......come on people.......i am not an alien......am just a normal left-handed human.....

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The Pakistani Laws of Nature

A few wonderful Natural Laws of the common Pakistani (includes all - he, she and it)

1. Paan: You must be thinking that those red designs are the newest in the foray of Abstract art......you are absolutely .......wrong
if are caught without a paan in your mouth......thats disgraceful.....and if you think the person beside you thinks you are not amongst them.......what better way to demonstrate it other than to make red marks all over anything (or anyone) that happens to pass by.

2. Littering: What better way to beautify a country then to roll down the window of your car and throw whatever you can right in the middle of the road........an empty packet of chips would be perfect but any thing will do......and get pissed off over the governments futile attempts to keep this beautification at bay.

3. Wetting the footpath: That's the greatest of em all.......a direct connection of the human race with the animal kingdom.........marking your territory......well the Pakistani men have decided that whether the state provides watering and fertilizing roadside foliage or not...........they will play their part towards that........public place or not......if its dry......it needs to be wetted....

4. Protecting the fairer ones: Ahhh......the pakistani spirit lies in this.......if you are a pakistani guy and you say that staring at a girl is a bad thing........then you are just negating your belonging to this group......its not about staring at girls .......its the sense of protection that you provide to that girl(yeah thats what they believe)......and we have a plenty of this all around us......the favourite of em all is the public transport system......every1 trying to get a seat in the row just along the partition or even the female compartment......its just hilarious......i believe......our nation provides the best protection to the females as they are always under the eyes of one or the other....

5. Use of brotherly language:If you can't swear ...then i am sorry...thats so un-pakistani.......u need it on a daily basis (you need to have a thirst for new vocabulary)...while u r driving, eating or travelling in public transport......i think thats why the females in our society r not good drivers (ofcourse swearing is not in there make up).......if u want to survive in here......u need to practice hard for speaking something which has more of the F words than the actual message.

6. Laws on the Road: The first law is that there is no law.........so if u have got this wrong......u have a long way to go......u will find urself at the end of a traffic jam most of the time.......next....if its big....it has the right of way (u cant or shall i say should not overtake a bus while u r on ur teeny weeny car).......the zebra crossing is for the loosers......and so is the overhead pedistrian bridge......and the creatures in the white uniform mean nothing........if u think they r the traffic wardens.......keep dreaming.....

So if you can see yourself following these rules.....u r going to love being a pakistani.....otherwise.........this land is not for u.........cheers

Disclaimer: If any of these leads you into trouble.......i dont know you and this was not meant for you.